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Things That Help: “I Can’t Fix Everything, Or Sometimes Anything”

October 8, 2020 By Dave Stuart Jr. 12 Comments

One of our colleagues, Beth Sheehan, told me a story via email about one of her rough days earlier this year. Beth is a third grade teacher at Spruce Elementary. Here's what she shared:

I am teaching remotely in a Title I school and I am exhausted after 11 days. Our families have been slammed by this, and I had been killing myself trying to help them manage, trying to make sure they had what they needed, trying to connect. Multiple language barriers did not help.
Two days ago, after leaving an Olympic size pool of tears on my desk, I left my empty classroom to finish the day “working from home.” I promptly went to bed. Head under the covers time.
I realized [some]thing when I woke up:
1. I can't fix everything, or sometimes anything.

“I can't fix everything, or sometimes anything”

That line of Beth's made me laugh: “I can't fix everything, or sometimes anything.” It still gives me delight. Why? Because it's incontrovertible. There simply isn't a way, as a finite creature, to fix everything; there simply are times, as limited beings, when we can't fix anything.

For those of us with would-be savior complexes, Beth's proverb is an amulet; it can keep off the mind-killers of unchecked self-reliance and ego assertion.

Like all proverbs, of course, they never tell the whole story one hundred percent of the time. Why? Because reality is nuanced; it requires more proverbs. In this case, Beth's proverb pairs well with “There are lots of things that I don't control as a teacher, and yet the things I do control have the potential for enormous, generational impact.” That's terribly long, though. So we can condense it further: “I don't control everything as a teacher, but what I do control can really matter.”

This is also incontrovertible. An overwhelming array of evidence — from sophisticated studies to commonplace classroom anecdotes — demonstrate how the briefest of classroom experiences — single comments from a teacher, single lessons on depression — can shift the trajectory of a student's life.

So: what we do control is so so important. But at the same time, sometimes everything that we do do fixes… nothing.​

You'll never find a proverb that works 100% of the time. That's why books of wisdom (e.g., the Hebrew book of Proverbs) contain statements that seem to contradict one another. They're not contradictory; they're facets of a single diamond.

In some seasons, though, you need a single truth — a single fact of the diamond — more than others. Beth's is one I need a lot right now. That's why it's written on an index card and taped beneath my monitor at work. (Seriously.)

Two applications:

  • If this post has a line or two that help, write them down and place them someplace you'll see them frequently.
  • What lines or proverbs are carrying you these days? Share in the comments.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Robin Manly says

    October 14, 2020 at 2:26 pm

    My mantra: Old ways won’t open new doors. We need to unlearn the farm-calendar-factory-model of education and figure out what to do now because we need it now. (PS – I haven’t figured it out yet.)

    Reply
    • Dave Stuart Jr. says

      October 16, 2020 at 2:32 pm

      Hey — let me know when you do, Robin! It’d help 🙂

      Reply
  2. Kelly Redmon says

    October 14, 2020 at 2:28 pm

    Since it really feels like I’m in some deep trenches, my mantra recently has been a phrase lifted from the military: Embrace the Suck.

    Reply
    • Dave Stuart Jr. says

      October 16, 2020 at 2:31 pm

      I’ve used that one too, Kelly 🙂

      Reply
  3. Jennifer Ball says

    October 14, 2020 at 3:30 pm

    Isaiah 41: 10 “So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
    I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

    Although everything may be out of control right now – God is in control and knows what he is doing.

    Reply
    • Dave Stuart Jr. says

      October 16, 2020 at 2:33 pm

      Jennifer, there’s no verse I’ve rehearsed more before public speaking — so rich. I like to add v. 13 as well — “for I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I will help you.” I love the personal imagery there. Thank you for sharing.

      Reply
  4. Liz says

    October 14, 2020 at 5:07 pm

    I have a post-it at eye level that says:
    I get to
    vs.
    I have to

    That shift in perspective helps a lot.

    Reply
    • Dave Stuart Jr. says

      October 16, 2020 at 2:33 pm

      <3 I love this, Liz.

      Reply
  5. Dave Stuart Jr. says

    October 16, 2020 at 2:34 pm

    Here’s one Andrea Irvin shared via email: “It is what it is, but it is also what you make of it.”

    Reply
  6. Julie M. says

    October 17, 2020 at 9:32 am

    Last year, I was reading the letter from the editor column in the University of Maryland alumni magazine. The editor said “…reflect on what went wrong, do our best to make things rights, and remember why we’re here.” I tore out the page, highlighted that statement, and hung it on my bulletin board.

    Reply
    • Dave Stuart Jr. says

      October 23, 2020 at 3:04 pm

      I love this, Julie.

      Reply
  7. Paula Silva says

    October 26, 2020 at 8:21 pm

    From a very wise, dear friend:

    “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger”

    I apply this to many aspects of my life at different times.

    Reply

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